Man, we all feel like we will live and die depending upon our online patient reviews, don’t we? 

These days, any patient who feels they did not have a stellar experience can easily and anonymously decide to burn you—and there are few, if any, repercussions.  

Even if we have 600 five-star reviews, we all sit there and obsess over the single one-star review like this is the one review that just might take food off the table. And, truth be told, prospective patients do read those low reviews too.  

The worst part of this is that the review does not even have to be true. The reviewer can say you turned into a green blob of antimatter during the examination and get away with it. Luckily, in some demographics the green blob deal might actually build your practice. You may want to post the review on a Comicon blog page. 

Starting Over

When I moved to Texas, I was given a clean slate. Crazy reviews from West Virginia don’t seem to be important to Texans. So, the lady “back home” who wrote that I “coldly did not care” about her eyes held no weight in Dallas. 

Of course, I totally understand why she would presume I did not care about her eyes. After all, I did refuse to give her a new monthly trial contact lens so she could wear it for the next year like she had done the year before. 

Ones for the Record Books

My team of researchers has found some of the most interesting optometrist reviews from the past year. Any names have been changed to protect the innocent—and the guilty: 

  • Dr. Schmolt has a very weird attitude. I would highly recommend him.
  • Do you wear glasses? This office has them.
  • My glasses gave me diarrhea.
  • I never had to wear glasses until I went to Dr. Giffo’s office.
  • I did not like the glasses I did not get at Dr. Hylife’s office.
  • I just wish we could kidnap Dr. Woof and take him to an office with a decent staff.
  • Since they cleaned my glasses I see much better.
  • My sister used to date an eye doctor and she said these guys should never prescribe eye drops.
  • I’m only giving him two stars, but my whole family goes every single year.
  • I was allergic to the nosepieces of my new glasses. Went back four times and got four new glasses, all with allergic nosepieces.
  • I recently had my very first eye exam, and this is the worst eye office I have ever seen.
  • I always thought my eye doctor was cute. Then I got new glasses.
  • Dr. Mimi gave me some good advice and I found my old glasses.
  • I can only think of one reason you shouldn’t go to Dr. Greasy: if you’re not living.
  • Despite the hassle and overcharges, they are awesome!
  • There’s no place like Crisper’s Eye Care! Thank God!

We all love a great review. On the other hand, a not-so-great review can sometimes be very entertaining and educational, especially if it’s about someone else.