I have been thinking a lot about smoking. No, I dont mean I am thinking about smoking. I am thinking about smoking.

I started thinking about this unhealthy habit when a long-time patient came in for her examination. She had developed throat cancer and had undergone major surgery. This resulted in the loss of her larynx, so she had to use one of those buzzy things to talk.

ZZZHellodoctorrvickerzzZZ.

I told her, Ill bet you wish you had never heard of a cigarette.

ZZZZItmaynotbethezzigarettesZZZ, she said. ZZZIreadzzomewherethatitcouldbetoazzt.

Excuse me?

ZZZBurnttoazzt. Itmightbe cauzzedbyburnttoazzt.

Toast? Forty years of smoking and a few slices of burnt toast caused cancer? You know, maam, I think Ill take my chances with bread.

We all know about the health issues that smoking causes, even in the eyes. One lady, with tears in her eyes, spent 20 minutes describing the utter turmoil in her family due to her mothers macular degeneration and loss of vision. She begged me for information.

 Please tell me there is something I can do to help protect my own eyes. I couldnt bear it if my kids had to go through their mother losing her eyesight. Just tell me what I can do.

Quit smoking, I said.

She said, Can I get a second opinion?

Must Be the Nicotine
My mentor and partner for many years was Dr. Bodie. He smoked. He smoked in the office. He smoked in the exam room. One day, my wife came in for tinted contact lenses. (She didnt trust you-know-who.) Well, good ol Dr. Bodie saunters in, leans her head back and throws the lens onto her relaxed and open eyeball.

She said, It kinda burns a little.

Must be the nicotine, he said.

Hmmm. I wonder.

I spent many years begging him to quit. He smoked after they removed a lung, and he kept smoking pretty much up until the end. In the hospital, he told me, I wish I never smoked. At least he didnt blame toast.

Smoking has some other bad effects. For example, did you know smoking causes people to shop for cheaper contact lenses? Thats right. My contact lens patients who smoke are three times more likely to shop. Check your stats. You will find that if these patients dont smoke, their dad, mom or spouse does. This creates problems with their cash flow. Only Bill Gates can afford to smoke, and he doesnt. Go figure.

One guy was giving me an earful about the cost of his two daughters contact lenses. I asked him how many packs of cigs he smoked a day. (The nasty amber-colored nosepads on the glasses give it away every time.) He said two packs. I told him that if he gave up one pack a day, his daughters contacts would be free! Oddly, he was not amused. Wonder where his daughters get their contacts now? At www.myeyesburn.com?

Oh, I tried tobacco once or twice, but I was cured in optometry school. I played on the softball team, and some of the guys were dipping snuff. I took a tiny leaf and tucked it between my cheek and gums. First, I saw two batters. Next, I threw up a whole, intact tobacco plant. It grows there still.

I decided then and there to stick to toast. And so should you.

But make sure its whole wheat. Gotta watch that glycemic index.